Bullies

If you are a parent, I would encourage you to read THIS.


If you are a teacher or work in a school, I would encourage you to read it. Same goes for anyone who has anything to do with children/youth. It is an incredible piece on what it is like to be bullied.


The Girl was bullied. Back in Kindergarten, there was a boy - we'll call him M - that was a troublemaker from the get-go. Literally, from the first day of school, this child was a problem for anyone around him. It was hard to believe but this Kindergartner was in the Principal's office just weeks into the start of the school year. And he was in The Girl's class.


Thankfully, at that age, they are relatively easy to control, distract, redirect, avoid, etc. and The Girl was able to keep her distance from this child. He was more of an annoyance at that point than any kind of serious trouble. And thankfully he was not in her class in 1st grade. He was still trouble but he was somebody else's trouble.


Second grade was different. He was back in her class in 2nd grade. And by that time, he wasn't easily controlled, distracted, or redirected. Nor was he easily avoided. He was persistent. And mean. He was quite good about seizing on any little flaw and teasing mercilessly. And he did. All of a sudden, my normally enthusiastic 2nd grader was complaining of tummy aches and not wanting to go to school. Thankfully, The Girl is not good about hiding anything (she will never make a good poker player, sadly) and I was able to ferret out the reason for the change in her demeanor.


Come to find out, this boy had been teasing her constantly for passing gas in class one day. He'd follow her around - just out of earshot of the teacher - and call her all sorts of horrible names. He'd make snide comments, corner her in the hallway or on the playground and say horrible things to her, and make her life miserable any chance he got. Other kids would join in, adding to it all.


She finally got tired of it and tried to stand up for herself and he proceeded to tell her, "I hope your dad dies." This was just months after her dad had returned from a 15-month deployment to the Middle East. She was devastated and it was then that the tummy aches began.


At the time, her regular classroom teacher - a very firm personality - was filling in as Vice Principal for the school and The Girl's classroom had a long-term substitute. The substitute was a nice person but not a strong personality and, when The Girl tried to tell him what was happening, he was not very firm in his response to the situation. M seized upon that as well and ramped up his efforts. By the time I found out what was going on and stepped in, this had been going on for about 6 weeks.


I called the substitute and requested a meeting with him the next day. We met and I explained to him that this needed to be stopped immediately and, if it wasn't, I'd be speaking to the administration. He agreed and informed me that the regular classroom teacher was due back in the classroom at the start of the next week - a blessing because the regular classroom teacher was the type not to tolerate crap from anyone.


At the same time, I found out that M and his mom went to a church in which I knew the pastor. I spoke with the pastor and he agreed to try to set up a meeting between myself and The Girl and M and his mom. The goal being to give The Girl a chance to face this boy and tell her side of the story, for M to tell his side, and hopefully for there to be some kind of truce/compromise reached. When the time came for the meeting, the mom showed up without her son. She claimed to have spoken with him and that he placed the blame of the situation upon The Girl (even though there were other children who had already corraborated her story). The mother, after listening to my (then) 7 year old child tell her side of things, called her a liar and accused my child of bullying her son.


I.Was.FLOORED.


I listened as this parent sat there and, with a perfectly straight face, explained how it was her son that was constantly being picked on by the kids at school, by the administration, and now by the pastor of her church. She refused to acknowledge that her son shouldered any responsibility and accused a 7 year old child of conning 4 of her classmates into lying about the things that were witnessed. It blew my mind.


I thanked the pastor for taking the time to meet with us but that the meeting was over and we were leaving. I explained to the mother that, should her son go anywhere near my child again, I would seek to employ a temporary restraining order...against her child. The next morning, I relayed the same to The Girl's teacher and to the administration. The school had two choices: either find a way to keep M away from my child - AT ALL TIMES - or move him to a different classroom (or school...I didn't care which). Otherwise, the problem would leave the school and move up to the district where lawyers would be getting involved over the fact that my child was being denied access to an education that is rightfully hers.


To say I was angry would be putting it mildly.


The child was moved and has since moved on to bullying other children. Supposedly the school is still "working with him on his behavior issues" but I don't buy that for a minute. A few weeks back, there was a dad that bullied a bunch of kids on a bus for having bullied his child. I don't condone his behavior but I most definitely understand where he was coming from. I have never wanted to hurt a child - ever, in my life - until M bullied my daughter. And I was shocked at my response - this was CHILD. But he hurt my daughter with his words and his actions and I was seeing red. I still do and this situation was a small part of the reason we chose to homeschool our children. Not simply because there are bullies in public schools - there are bullies everywhere and my children must learn to deal with them in appropriate ways - but because the schools themselves fail to hold firm to the policies already in place that are supposed to address situations like this one (see "Chapter 19" with regard to the Hawaii Department of Education).


The post by Single Dad Laughing was spot on and I encourage you to read it in its entirety.




Pau.



- hfs